The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
