I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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