I looked at my own cervix.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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