I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The ass gains better be worth it
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