If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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