She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
