Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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