So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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