Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
