he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
