Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
