last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
