why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
