Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
