how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
