so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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