Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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