With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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