i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
