Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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