How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
