she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
