No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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