Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
