you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
