Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
