do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
