please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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