Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
