I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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