My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
