You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
