Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
