p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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