this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
