Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
