Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
