so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
