Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
