Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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