My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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