oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
