I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
