Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Be still, my beating vagina.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
