How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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