So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
