We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
