Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
