i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
