Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is wine microwaveable?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
