First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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